Sleepy Reaper

SORRY KAREN!

Arrived back home from holidays looking like a bloated toad and feeling like a flogged ham candle after a Sat night at the clubs. After getting up early to rip into a few chores around the house whilst carrying my other half all day I realised hey, “Today hasn’t been that bad🌈”. Well stuff me sideways and into a small box! Today turned into a hormonal Karen and decided to start riding me like the misses does when I forget her birthday for the second year in a row 😩. I suddenly remembered I’d been killing myself without my morning coffee! It seemed the day was going to get better but how I was so wrong and things were about to change. As I began to boil the kettle the semen demon woke from her lunch time slumber. All I wanted was 10 mins of peace but as I opened to door to her room a smell that could outlast religion smacked me right in the suck-hole. A large pile of infant green hot goodness which had been delivered during sleep. I tried my best to stay out of the green goblins grasp but it already had me firmly in its grip with the thick green goodness smeared down my front 💩. Wishing someone was secretly under the bed to shoot me in the testicles with a BB gun, I cleaned up the mess🤮. After cleaning my way through WW3 I went to walk out of the room and stubbed my little toe. I instantly though to myself “Bugger me Susan, piss off and leave me alone!” By this point I thought I’d Met My Maker but apparently not. I finally got to brew my coffee and took the first sip. I instantly had a party in my mouth and everyone was invited💦🤤. From now on I will be Meeting My Maker every morning and also kicking those Hormonal Karen days right in the taint! Love this coffee💦😘😍🥰

WELL HOLY CHRIST!

Finally got home last night after night shift away and feeling like an oversized bag of dried wrinkled foreskins. Got woken up this morning at 5 being slapped in the face by the semen Demon and having her scream in my face DAD!! I thought to myself, someone poke me in the eye with a skewer and kick me in the Willy I feel like shit😩 Then I remembered I had some new coffee to try so I boiled the kettle, chucked in a few spoons of wake the dead and set off on my mystical adventure🌈 towards enlightenment. Finally sat down after eagerly plunging my cup of black gold into my cup and took a sip for the first time🤯. After I finished my cup of coffee I felt a surge and my body came to life and I also somehow inherited the power to taste sound (not sure if you put mushrooms in with the coffee but I liked it). Sitting on the ride on to mow the lawn I almost slipped off the seat I was that moist with satisfaction after one of the best coffees I’ve had in a long time! I’m currently still having an outer body experience whilst getting dad shit done. BLOODY LOVE THE COFFEE💦💦😍🥰😘